REPORT: LeBron James to play for Spurs for a song and a dance

6 Jul

Update: In a hastily arrange press conference, Vladimir Putin has announced that he’s leaving the Moscow Basketshooters to go join the San Antonio Spurs in what could be the first of many of NBA’s coveted Larry O’Brian Trophy for Kremlin.  The terms of the agreement were not disclosed but vodka was involved.

Earlier: EARTH SHATTERING NEWSFLASH: In a stunning development, LeBron James has left Cleveland Cavaliers and just announced that he, too, will sign with the Spurs for veteran’s minimum.  He said on his Twotitter account: “Winning another title at all costs is above and beyond and over my topmost other objectives. I am proud to say that I am joining forces with Poppy, Timmy, Kawhi, Tony, Manny, LeMarky, Danny, Westy, and Bonny to lead the Spurs to not one, not two, not three, not four, okay I’ll spare you the count, to many many titles.  Eff the rest of NBA.”

LBJ

The LeBron announcement has caused an instant tidal wave.  Minutes later, Dwight Howard, too, renounced the remainder of his contract with Houston to announce that he’s joining the Spurs in chase for his first title and he will do it for minimum wage.  Not to be outdone, Kevin Durant has demanded that the Thunder to immediately trade him to San Antonio for a fifth round draft pick and ice cream considerations.  Reportedly, Kevin Durant has agreed to play for the Spurs for free. Kobe Bryant, too, has just tweeted that he is forgiving the $25 million that the Lakers owe him in order to play back-up point guard for the Spurs and he promised not any more of his body parts fall off.  He emphasized that not only will he not be asking for a salary but he will actually pay veteran’s minimum to San Antonio to let him play.  Likewise, Derek Fisher, Jason Kid, Pat Riley, and Phil Jackson have all resigned from their coaching and front office jobs to go play for another title in San Antonio.

DavidWest

Stay tuned for updates on how everyone in the NBA is now going to play for the Spurs for peanuts.

In other news, the Lakers are still dead: An Obituary: https://hawksterreport.wordpress.com/2015/07/04/the-lakers-are-dead-an-obituary/

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